Little Tommy Tittlemouse
Lived in a little house;
He caught fishes
In other men's ditches.
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| Man fishing, Wayne Eng photo. Source: troutunderground.com |
In a small town in Massachusetts, little Tommy lives a very boring life.
He lives alone and in the cold most of the time.
His house is equipped with a patchy roof and a small fireplace.
Once, Tommy lived the life of a millionaire.
But he quickly spent his money and was left with nothing.
Tis why little Tommy became such a greedy man.
Upset with his loss and now sad life,
Tommy was anxious to win back his life.
In his little house, in the middle of a small town,
Tommy tried to be as sneaky as a mouse.
Next door at his neighbors house, there was a pond.
In this pond were thousands of fish.
Every night for three whole years,
Tommy snuck into Mr. Baker's field.
He brought all he needed, a fishing pole, bait, and tub
and he fished in that pond, all night long.
Though Tommy knew that stealing was wrong,
he kept all those fish to put in his pond!
For all that time, Tommy took and took
never thinking about Mr. Baker's pond.
Only thinking about himself, Tommy wanted all the fish.
Attempting to have a fully stocked pond,
Tommy stole until they were all gone.
Now that his pond is fully stocked,
Tommy once again feels he's on top.
After all those years of stealing from ponds,
little did Tommy know he wasn't the only one.
Night after night, just as Tommy did,
little Jax down the street was stealing as well.
In the morning before Tommy would rise,
there was Jax, fishing in his pond.
Stealing the fish that were once already stolen,
Jax was doing the same as little Tommy.
After taking the fish from one pond to another,
Jax began to have a guilty conscious.
One morning Jax replenished Tommy's fish
and left himself only one lone fish.
Again was Tommy, back on top,
having more fish in his ditch than anyone on his block.
Authors Note: This story is based off of the nursery rhyme from the book The Nursery Rhyme Book, edited by Andrew Lang and illustrated by L. Leslie Brooke (1897). I came up with the concept for this story after reading the title because it sounded like this one man, Tommy, was trying to gather fish from other men's ditches for a reason, to be number one. Originally I wanted to incorporate winning the lottery into the story to explain how he lived the life of a millionaire. I was inspired by wanting to win the lottery myself so I am living vicariously through Tommy.
Oh,what fun, Brittan: you turned that tiny rhyme into a story of its own, with Tommy coming out on top "having more fish in his ditch than anyone on his block," ha ha. That's wonderful! These nursery rhyme stories are always full of surprises because the rhyme gives only the tiniest clues to the story, and the rest is all coming from your imagination. In the author's note you need to say more about that: in addition to just giving us the bibliography, you need to tell us how/why you came up with the story you did... you, as the author, are the only one who can tell us how you got from the teeny-tiny rhyme to the full-blown story!
ReplyDeleteAnd don't forget to include a link to the source, too; here's an overview of how that works, and for any kind of online source, a link is really important: Bibliography.
I really liked your story! I thought it was a lot of fun to read and it flowed really well. I could definitely see your inspiration from the nursery rhyme and I really liked how you brought in the idea of him being a former millionaire who lost all his money and was trying to get back on top. I thought that was a really creative take on it.
ReplyDeleteI was definitely a fan of this! I liked how he had to steal over the long haul to acquire his trove of fish. It added that element of showing a character that isn't perfect. I also liked how the same dastardly deed was done upon him to show that he wasn't above it all. I liked in the end how it did work out for him since Jax was able to show him a courtesy that he never extended to Mr. Baker.
ReplyDeleteHello Brittan, it is nice to meet you. I really enjoyed your story about a man going fishing. I also liked the format that you typed the story in, because it was a little easier to read that way. It made it seem a little more like a poem, and less like a book. Since poems are usually shorter than books, that appeals to me. I think there is a good overall moral to the story as well, which makes the story worthwhile. One change that I would make to your story is doing what you originally wanted to do. Tell about how Tommy won the lottery to become rich in the first place, and maybe why and how he lost it all. I think it would make the reader understand the character a little better and be more sympathetic for him (or not). Overall this was a very well written story, and I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
ReplyDeleteWow, I really enjoyed this Brittan! I love how you turned that little nursery rhyme into a great story of its own. I loved the way you wrote your story and how you developed Tommy and Jax in this story. I think your word choice and the creativity you used in this story showcased and helped develop this story. I think the font size was okay and I enjoyed the photo that you included in your post of the man fishing. One suggestion I have is to break up the long story into smaller paragraphs to make it easier on the reader to get through the story. But other than that, this was a really enjoyable poem that helped get stay interested throughout the story. Good job :)
ReplyDelete